going through the motions
this year didn’t feel like christmas. in years past, the emotion was decidedly evident. a tree with gifts already piled beneath it, sweets and goodies constantly around prior to being considered mere leftovers, bustling from one family event to the other with cheer.
the holiday that was just upon us didn’t register the same way. i’ll look past the superficial aspects of the season that didn’t equate. and sure, the bustling from one household to the next was there, but cheer wasn’t necessarily always abundant.
on the one side of the family, the time together passed slowly. some of us hung back with those more familiar while others stuck with their own packs. i remember the times when all the cousins were younger and intermingled, and we giggled and played and couldn’t wait for the next familial gathering. but when the cousins have kids old enough to be in high school, thus aging you, the luster is clearly gone. the fun is now for them, not for us. there’s not much left to do but spectate really. and though that’s not all bad, it certainly leaves much introspection of where the time has gone and have some of us really drifted so far from where we came?
as for the other side of the family, the matriarch tried to keep up her appearances, though the puffy red eyes and less than jovial greeting at the door told a different tale entirely. missing loved ones and longing for times in the recent past, when everyone was present, certainly puts an odd spin on an otherwise upbeat occasion. some of the family was split in one room, the rest of us at the table as normal. only to find out later that a bit of drama went down and it was only now, right at dinner that those of us late to the party would find out exactly what. and even then, i’m not 100% sure i still know what happened when and why.
it wasn’t a bad holiday by any means. any time spent with my family is usually a pretty good time. this year was just…different. and perhaps a turning point for the traditions yet to come.