just breathe
the last two sundays, for lack of a better analogy, i’ve gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. sure, moving to the sunny climes of california has staved off most of my moodiness and winter blues, but i’m still allowed to be cranky occasionally. i just normally wouldn’t feel it hit so forcefully two sundays in a row, a day when lounging and relaxing is permitted.
my reasons are there, but in retrospect, i don’t feel they’re warranted. i work slightly above 20 hours a week. i’m gathering tax information for myself and weightshift. i’m helping weightshift get set up for the soon-to-launch shop. our apartment suddenly has become overwhelmed with boxes and shipments, so my normal sense of organization has been compromised. and because our apartment is need of a deep cleanse, i ordered a steam vacuum cleaner that i tried out tonight which inevitably gave me allergy-induced coughing. and i’m trying to maintain three workouts a week at the gym we joined late last year—and scheduling time to go has become much more stressful than it should be.
i have it rough. no seriously, i feel bad that i’m bitching about this at all. i rhetorically asked the boy the other day how women who have families and full-time jobs do it. how do they work 40+ hours a week, keep a household running on task, get their kids to respective day care and soccer games, and devote any remaining time to hobbies or passions. his response was “nannies and housekeepers,” which i’m sure isn’t too far off from the truth.
the catch-all, suitable answer, i suppose, is that everyone is different and has varying tolerance levels. in a not-so distant past, i probably could have handled a lot more. but eventually the stress got to me, so i downsized my commitment levels. now my commitments are fewer, but somehow my perspective changed yet again. i’m working on not becoming a total bum, and admittedly i have a ways to go to get my endurance back up. i still don’t think anyone should have to work full time if they can manage it—there is way more to life than cubicles and fighting with printers. i’ve tasted it. and perhaps that’s the cause for my restlessness and pent-up frustration.
deep breath in… and out…