the last two sundays, for lack of a better analogy, i’ve gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. sure, moving to the sunny climes of california has staved off most of my moodiness and winter blues, but i’m still allowed to be cranky occasionally. i just normally wouldn’t feel it hit so forcefully two sundays in a row, a day when lounging and relaxing is permitted.
my reasons are there, but in retrospect, i don’t feel they’re warranted. i work slightly above 20 hours a week. i’m gathering tax information for myself and weightshift. i’m helping weightshift get set up for the soon-to-launch shop. our apartment suddenly has become overwhelmed with boxes and shipments, so my normal sense of organization has been compromised. and because our apartment is need of a deep cleanse, i ordered a steam vacuum cleaner that i tried out tonight which inevitably gave me allergy-induced coughing. and i’m trying to maintain three workouts a week at the gym we joined late last year—and scheduling time to go has become much more stressful than it should be.
i have it rough. no seriously, i feel bad that i’m bitching about this at all. i rhetorically asked the boy the other day how women who have families and full-time jobs do it. how do they work 40+ hours a week, keep a household running on task, get their kids to respective day care and soccer games, and devote any remaining time to hobbies or passions. his response was “nannies and housekeepers,” which i’m sure isn’t too far off from the truth.
the catch-all, suitable answer, i suppose, is that everyone is different and has varying tolerance levels. in a not-so distant past, i probably could have handled a lot more. but eventually the stress got to me, so i downsized my commitment levels. now my commitments are fewer, but somehow my perspective changed yet again. i’m working on not becoming a total bum, and admittedly i have a ways to go to get my endurance back up. i still don’t think anyone should have to work full time if they can manage it—there is way more to life than cubicles and fighting with printers. i’ve tasted it. and perhaps that’s the cause for my restlessness and pent-up frustration.
deep breath in… and out…
31 January 2010
for whatever reason, christmas songs remind me of my time in london during the holiday season. why, i’m not exactly sure, considering i was only in the UK for five months and have spent almost every other christmas stateside. but here’s a list of tunes that particularly brings back the memories of oxford street and piccadilly circus:
“christmas wrapping” by the waitresses
“wonderful christmas time” by paul mccartney
“do they know it’s christmas time” by band aid
“happy christmas (war is over)” by john lennon and yoko ono
“last christmas” by wham!
(yeah, so 4 of the 5 songs are by british artists, so that could explain the anglo nostalgia just a bit.)
15 December 2009
for two days now, i’ve had this nagging feeling. that feeling of wanting to pull further way. to turn the switch off. to not be so goddamn dependent.
what i’m talking about is connectivity. technology. virtual voyeurism.
the internet is too loud. millions and millions of people twittering about, posting photos, updating statuses, IMing, blogging, staring at smartphones. each and every one of us thinks our message is important. some of it may be, but it’s still so subjective. and ultimately, my synapses have had enough.
i’m no exception. in fact, i acknowledge my own contribution to the problem as i type this.
but i’m thinking i could be more selective with my input and a lot less addicted to the consumption.
a return to the analog. reconnecting with the silence. picking up a pen or a paintbrush or a knitting needle. maybe going to a coffee shop with a book or journal or some yarn. what a novel thought.
breaking up with the internet will be difficult to do. even as the dumper, i feel like the dumpee. still logging on, poking around, aware of my illicit acts, subjecting myself to the agony and the pain. my S&M relationship with the abstract. (yeah, go crazy with that one, googlebots.)
admittedly, it won’t be a clean break. the internet is good for some things. i’ll just use my discretion when hopping online.
so… i’ll see you around.
and in other news, there has been a weird, exotic bird incessantly tweeting (perhaps calling for its mate?) outside our office window for a week now. i feel like i’m in the jungle minus big spiders and bigger mosquitoes. there’s no internet in the jungle. is there?
05 November 2009
